


Down on your bended knees

by Sza13



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Classic Rock, Dom Chris Evans, Dom/sub, Dominance, Drawing, Fantasizing, Hurt/Comfort, Kneeling, M/M, Masturbation, Self-Hatred, Sub Sebastian Stan, Submission, Worship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:55:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25696159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sza13/pseuds/Sza13
Summary: HiThis is my first fic ever. So the story is probabley a disaster. Also english is not my first language so sorry for all the mistakes.The title is from a song called venus in fur by velvet underground and nico. If you like bdsm and classic rock, this song is a five minute long orgasm. You're welcome.This fic is supposed to be pat of a bigger story. (I'm a woman with a plan.😄) next chapters will be less angsty and more smutty.😈Hope you enjoy it.
Relationships: Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luninosity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luninosity/gifts).



> Hi  
> This is my first fic ever. So the story is probabley a disaster. Also english is not my first language so sorry for all the mistakes.  
> The title is from a song called venus in fur by velvet underground and nico. If you like bdsm and classic rock, this song is a five minute long orgasm. You're welcome.  
> This fic is supposed to be pat of a bigger story. (I'm a woman with a plan.😄) next chapters will be less angsty and more smutty.😈  
> Hope you enjoy it.

Sebastian is getting ready for their date night. Their dates are never really fancy. It's all pizza and beer. So a simple t-shirt and black jeans would do.though he spends more than usual time on his hair. It has to look good! After all, he hasn't seen chris in quite a long time. He hears chris knocking on the door, checks his hair in the mirror for one last time and goes to open the door and...

There he is. Chris evans with all his beauty. Board shoulders, long legs. Dark blond hair and oh, beard?! This is the first time sebastian is seeing his boyfriend with a beard. He thinks chris looks like a politician.  
Only after chris smiles and says "You're under dressed. I told you I'm taking you somewhere nice." He notices chris is wearing a suit and a tie. "S s s sorry! I thought we were... never mind. I go change."  
"Seb, alright?"  
"Yeah... you look very handsome."  
Chris smiled. "You too. In fact, don't change. Let me see you for a second." 

And suddenly, sebastian was feeling Chris's hand touching his cheek, Chris's eyes travelling all over his face, admiring his beauty. Sebastian couldn't take it anymore. He could remember it. Oh god how hard he tried to forget. To not want it. 

being an 80s kid, his biggest regret was not seeing all the cool 60s and 70s rock bands live. Sure some of them were still performing, but velvet underground wasn't. So he had to settle with just listening to the songs. And that's how it happend. 13 year old sebastian, listening to lou reed singing about kneeling and boot kissing and whips, oh my. At first he couldn't quite understand what that little tingle in his cock was. He just palmed it so maybe it would go away. It felt... good. So he did it again, and again, and again. Picturing himself in front of a man, A hand on his cheek, Twe eyes on his face. "Down on your bended knees" the song was saying. So he did.

So, there he is. Did chris always looked like the man in his dream, or was he fantasizing about him 15 years before they met? There is no answer, nothing he can do, other than looking extremely distant and making chris worry.  
"Seb, sweetheart, are you alright? You look far gone baby."  
"I... I'm... it's... sorry."  
The bedroom door closes with a loud sound, leaving twe lovers at the opposite sides. 

Sebastian sits on the floor, leaning against the door, thinking about his 13 year old self. He was pathetic, who gets off on lowering themselves to that level? His 13 year old self was so fucking stupid. Kneeling at someone's feet? Looking at them like they are god worthy of being worshipped? Pathetic, stupid and oh, such a pervert. He can't let chris, his pure chris, see this dark side of him. Chris is the best thing he's got in life. Past couple of monthes, since dating chris, has been so peaceful. He can't lose that to some perverted dream he's been having for years. Sure, he can still secretly enjoy chris taking charge in the bedroom. But never those things. No showing chris how much he needs to be at his feet. He will freak out. He will know he's a pervert. No. No. No. He will not lose his chris to this. No.

"Sweetheart, can i come in? Please. I can hear you crying baby please."  
Crying? When did that happen? He tries to stop the tears. But it's useless. Chris's worried voice still calling for him. "I'm coming in honey."  
Oh shit.  
Sebastian gets up. The door opens and a second latter he is wrapped in Chris's arms. Not crying for this pathetic dream in front of chris? Well, that's not working! Chris holds him until his not sobbing anymore. 

"Honey, I'm not saying right now, but eventually you gotta tell me what's wrong. Please tell me. Have i done something?"  
"No. God chris no. It's not you. I just remembered an unpleasant memory."  
"Right after seeing me?" He's tone is playful, trying to lighten the mood.  
"I swear it's nothing to do with you." He takes Chris's hand to kiss it. He has done this before. But this time instead of bringing his hand to his lips, he lowers his own body to meet Chris's hand. Way to go stan. The plan is not letting chris know what you carve. Way to go.  
He lookes chris in his big blue worried eyes. This man does worth being worshipped. He does. But he is not like that. He doesn't want someone kissing his feet. He wants an equal partner. Chris is not a pervert. But lord, what if he was? The thought makes him lagh. Good, great. Crying and now laughing. Chris is really gonna run away from him.  
"Look, I'm fine. This is not important. Don't worry. I just remembered something. I can't tell you what. Not now. Maybe never. But trust me. I'm fine. Let's go on our date."  
After thay come back home, chris strips him and spends solid twe hours kissing and touching every inch of his body.this is his way of saying "you are loved. I love you. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me." Sebastian knows that. But there are lots of things he doesn't know. Yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i said next chapters would be less angsty. I just couldn't help myself. They have to first solve their issues and then go to the fun stuff. 😉  
> The songs mentioned in this chapter are hungry hearts by bruce Springsteen and rock 'n roll suicide by david bowie. Also "cooing same old nothing." Is a reference to "why don't you love me?" By hank Williams.  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chris is worried. He can't but notice how uncomfortable sebastian has gotten around him over the past few weeks. He also can't forget the incident on their date night. Sebastian seems nervous, anxious and even sad? He doesn't want his sebastian sad. Even thinking about it shoots an ache through his chest. No. He can't stand seeing his sebastian sad. His sebastian, who is so easy to love. Who is all pretty smiles and blushing when chris coos same old sappy nothings in his ear and singing along loud, awkward and off key when ever 'hungry hearts' comes on the radio. Sebastian is so easy to love that chris is willing to sacrifice one of the biggest parts of his life for him. And it's not easy. Not easy at all. He is used to being a dominant. It's been this way in every single relationship he's been in since college. It's not easy to suddenly not giving orders, not being obeyed, not putting his hand on his submissive's head and feel them lean into his touch. No. Not easy at all. This, this is not just something he's used to. It's in his nature. But he's willing to change that nature, he thinks, as he watches sebastian's chest slowly go up and down in his sleep, he'll change head to toe, so the heart inside that chest would always belong to him. 

Watching sebastian asleep and in peace, calms him down a little bit. But the worries don't wash out. They won't, untill he finds out how to help him. Sebastian still hasn't told him what caused his breakdown. He said maybe he never tells him. Chris wishes nothing but for sebastian to trust him, to open up to him. "I'll have my share, i'll help you with the pain." Bowie sings in his head.

If this was one of those relationships he is used to, he'd knew how to handle the situation. He'd knew how to touch his sub to get them to trust him enough. He'd knew how to shower them with affection and love until they felt protected enough to open up and accept his help. But now, with seb, without those dynamics, he's lost. He doesn't know how to prove to seb he is worthy of his trust, that even if he can't make it better, he would at least be there for him and listen. 

Chris is scared. He has long forgotten how to operate outside a dom/sub relationship. He whishes he didn't have to go through this. That sebastian would want the same thing. He has tried his chance, At the very beginning of their relationship, to see if seb was interested. He had tried to show his dominance. He would take charge while kissing, always lead the dirty talk, even few spanks now and then. Sebastian seemed to enjoy it, but he never asked for more. Never act like it was his thing. So chris, to his own disappointment, found out that seb wasn't into giving him control and just played along with chris during sex, out of kindness. The thought terrified him. He didn't want his perfect sebastian to change the slightest for Chris's sake. He would make himself anew if it meant his sebastian would stay his perfect self.

He carefully put his head on sebastians heart. He could hear his slow, steady heart beat. Tears damped his own face and sebastian's bare chest. He's scared. He's gonna fuck up. No. God, no. He can't fuck up. Maybe he would never own sebastian himself, but he can't not own his heart. No. He can't wake up one day knowing he is not loved by sebastian. He can't lose him. He can't lose his sebastian. 

Sebastian wakes up at the sound of Chris's sobs. He hasn't said anything yet, but chris can see the worry in his eyes. Maybe, he thinks, if he tells sebastian why he is scared, seb would trust him enough with his own secret too. 

One of them has to start building that trust between them. Chris is gonna put the first brick of the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, basically fic writing turned out to be much more fun than i thought. So here's another chapter.  
> This is my attempt to write comfort? I'm not sure i actually did it right. I hope it's acceptable.  
> And since it's in my contract to use at least one classic rock song in each chapter, this one at the end of the story is echoes by pink floyd. Devil be pleased with me! Also the song is a good choice if you're into music during sex?! DID I JUST SAY THAT???  
> Ok, (graham Norton voice) let's get on with the show!

Sebastian wraps an arm around Chris's neck. He doesn't say a word. He knows chris will eventually tell him. He gives chris time to calm down.

Chris knows he has to start to talk. But damn, if it's not so difficult to look sebastian in the eye right now. He rolls untill he's on his back. He closes his eyes, takes sebastian's hand in both hands, holding it, like it's his dear life. And sebastian, chris thinks, is his dear life. 

"Listen, i love you. I love you so damn much. And i wanna be good to you. I wanna be who you want me to be. But i need your help. This, this relationship we have, I'm not used to this. When i was in college, a girlfriend took me to a club once. You can guess what type of club I'm talking about. It was... well, let's say kinky. And it's been that way for me ever since. All my relationships have had some level of dom/sub dynamics to them. I've gone so deep in that lifestyle that I'm not sure i can be good in this relationship. This, with you. Wanna be a good boyfriend. Not your dom. I know you're not into the whole bdsm thing. And please don't think I'm missing out on something by being with you. I just wanna be with you. That's it. That's all i want. Help me be good at it. Please help me seb."

Surprisingly, now that he's said it, it doesn't sound so hard anymore. He's not crying anymore. He let it out of his chest. Sebastian will understand. Sebastian will help him. He finally has the courage to open his eyes. To look at sebastian. But... sebastian's eyes are full of confusion. His lips wanting to ask a million questions. 

"Bdsm? Dom/sub dynamics? What are you talking about, chris?"  
Oh... "you know, a relationship between a dominant and a submissive?!" 

"I know the meaning to all those words, but not them together. "

"Oh, ok. See some people like to have some power exchange involved in their relationship. The level of it is different from couple to couple, based on how much they are willing to give and receive. A dominant is the person in control. The submissive is the one who gives that control to them. Some people identify as both. Those are called switch." 

Chris looked at sebastian's eyes again. Somehow he looked even more confused. 

"Like what? What do you mean the submissive gives control to dominant. I don't understand. Why would anyone want to do that?"

"Honey, there are lots of people who want that. People who would willingly get down on their knees and give up all their power, handing it to their dom. And then there are people like me, who would cherish that gift and do all they can to make their sub feel how they crave to feel. Look, i know to an outsider like you who is not into this, i might sound like a power freak and submissives sound weak, but it's anything but. Doms are not power freaks cause they know no matter how much power and control they have over their sub, is simply a gift and if they're not worthy of it, all that power would be taken away from them in a blink. And subs are not weak. Definitely not. Their submission is beautiful. Do you have any idea how powerful one should be to build such a strong relationship based on trust with someone and offer their body and mind to their dom? Look, I'm not trying to get you interested in bdsm. Im just trying to say, if you think I or anyone who is into this, is weird, don't. Cause We are not."

Sebastian looks triggered. Looks like he is gonna pass out. 

"I...i need some water. Sorry." He runs to the kitchen. Chris fellowes him after a second. Finds him leaning against the sink, pressing a glass of cold water to his forehead. "Not weak, you said. So not pathetic? Not perverted?" Sebastian says, without looking at him. Now it's Chris's turn to be confused, and sebastian's turn to talk. So he does. He tells chris about his fantasies, about lou Reed's voice shouting sin in his ears, about his shame, his fear, about wanting and not wanting it.

stepping closer, finally looking into Chris's eyes. Taking his hand in both hands, he says "you said submission is beautiful. Prove it. Show me." 

Chris... can't believe what sebastian has been saying for the past few minutes. He's angry. Angry with himself for not finding sebastian sooner and ending his fears. He breathes heavily through his nose. Sebastian asked him to prove it to prove it for him that he is not weak for wanting it. He can do that for his sebastian. "Kneel." Straight, simple.Symbolic of what they both want. So sebastian does, still holding Chris's hand, pressing it to his forehead as he kneels at Chris's feet.  
His eyes are closed. Chris is about to cry at the sight of that much beauty and grace. His fingers roam in sebastian's face. Finding his chin, lifting it up. Sebastian opens his eyes. There's so much satisfaction in them. Chris falls to his knees too. "Don't let go of my hand." He orders. So sebastian doesn't. He keeps holding Chris's hand firmly. "I prove it to you. I promise." Chris says, while planting sweet kisses on sebastian's face. "I promise." A sound, coming from the lonely alleys of england, sings...  
Do i take you by the hand  
And lead you through the land  
Help me understand the best i can


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again😗  
> This story is not going as i planned and i couldn't be happier about it.  
> No throwing rock lyrics into this one. But the whole chapter is heavily influenced by desiree by mohsen chavoshi. The translation of the song is at the end of the chapter. And if you're interested, you can find the song on YouTube.  
> Hope you enjoy it.

When sebastian wakes up the next morning, he has no idea how he got out of the kitchen and in the bedroom last night. Last night... he still can't believe it. He's still confused. Did he really get on his knees for chris? Speaking of whom, sebastian can't find his boyfriend on the bed. But he's smelling burnt eggs, so that's telling! He goes to the kitchen and finds chris glaring at the poor eggs. "Oh hey honey. I think i should buy you a new pan."  
"It's fine. There's some butter in the fridge. And i think i have jam. So that would do i guess." He can't bring himself to look into Chris's direction. Has anyone ever died of embarrassment? He might. 

There's a moment of silence as sebastian opens the fridge to get the butter. "Don't go all shy on me because of last night. You want the same thing that i want. Or, in fact, the complete opposite thing." Sebastian looks shyly at chris whom gives him the loveliest smile. "We complete each other. It's a match made in heaven. If heaven was a kink and fetish club of course. " sebastiab laughs at the god awful joke. After they're done with the breakfast, chris sits him down on the couch, to talk.  
"how do you feel about last night?"  
"i don't know? Maybe it shouldn't have happened."  
"why? Did you not feel good?"  
Sebastian almost shouts. "No. I mean, i felt good. It's just that... i don't know."  
"Honey, if it was good for you, and if it was good for me, wich was, then why do i feel you're embarrassed about it?"  
"It's just not normal."  
"I know a lot of people whose normal is this. Myself included. Look, I'm not gonna make you do it again if you don't wan..."  
"NO... i mean, yeah. I want it." The last words come as a whisper.  
"Ok, then if we're doing this, i need to know exactly what you want. So i can make you feel good. Last night You told me you've had some fantasies. Can you tell me more about them?"  
"Mmm... they're always about me kneeling for a man and him ordering me to do things." He says like those are the hardest words to say.  
"Order you to do what?"  
"I mean... you know... like keeping still and not moving even if i itch... or like... to keep quiet and no talk. Stuff like that."  
"Ok. So I'm gussing you like restraints. Am i right?"  
"I guess..."  
"So you'll be ok if i tie you up?"  
Sebastian nods. It's impossible for him to find words now that he's imagining being tied up alk for chris.  
"Ok, you also said 'no talking'. You ok with gags then?"  
"Gags? I mean, sure... if you want."  
"And what to you want? Be honest with me. That's an order."  
Sebastian swallows. "I'm not sure. What if i needed to tell you something?"  
"You mean if something goes wrong?"  
"Well, i trust you. But..."  
"Ok, Listen to me now. Latter, when you're ready, we are gonna go through a check list. That way we'll know what we both like to try and also what are our limits. So i wouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with. Also we're gonna have a safeword. The word we use when something is going wrong. We will also have a nonverbal safeword. That being said, you still don't want gags?"  
"Mmmm..."  
"Remember my order. Be honest."  
"I think... i think i still don't want them. I will keep silent if you order me though. But no gags."  
"Ok, good. Thank you for telling me honey. No gags then. I promise." Chris smiles at him. "Wanna think about that safeword? You can choose whatever word you want. Also lots of people go with traffic light system. Grean means good to go, yellow is pause, for when you need a break or some water or if I'm doing something that is not bad enough to end the scene but still makes you uncomfortable. And red is stop."  
"That's easy enough to remember."  
"Good. One more thing. No matter what we do together, after we're done, i should take care of you. Hold you, feed you, make sure you're fine. Even if you don't think you need it. And i need you to do me a favour. If i ever denied you the aftercare, or if i ever ignored your safeword, punch me in the face."  
Sebastian laughs out loud. Then looks at chris an oh... he's not joking. He swallows. "Ok."  
Chris smiles at him and plants a soft kiss on his cheek.  
After they wash the dishes, (turned out, the pan was fine after all) chris gets ready for his meeting with joss whedon. They're making avengers. That's why he's in new York after all. When he says that to sebastian, he gets a comedic glare from him. "S that's the only reason you're in new York. Huh, asshole?" Chris bursts out laughing. "Well that, and also my man." Good, sebastian thinks. Good. He's still Chris's man. He still can joke around with him. Chris doesn't think he's not his equal even after he kneeled for him. Good.  
He kisses chris goodbye. Although he notices Chris is looks worried.  
"Look, Last night and this morning was kinda a lot. You want me to cancel the meeting?"  
"No. You should go. Thats the main reason you're in new York anyway." He says jokingly. And adds. "No seriously. I'm fine. Don't worry. Now get the hell out of my apartment."  
While chris is gone, sebastian busies himself with cooking lunch and listening to tv while at kitchen. He knows he shouldn't let himself think too much. He knows if he lets his mind go down that road, all the shame and fear will come back. His submission is beautiful, chris said. He still needs time to believe that. He still needs Chris's voice to tell him it's ok.  
In the afternoon, whatching a movie together, sebastian notices chris, instead of watching the film, is starting at him with a shadow of a smile on his face. He pauses the movie.  
"You said you'd keep silent if i told you to."  
Sebastian swallows.  
"Follow me."  
They go the bedroom. Chris finds one of sebastian's scarves. "On your knees." Sebastian gets a 'good boy' from him when he does. For a second, He wonders how he looks when he's kneeling. "Hands behind your back." Chris instructs. He goes behind sebastian and binds his arms with the scarf. Then faces sebastian, lifting his chin. "Now listen to me. I want you to stay right where you are, keep your eyes shut and i don't want to hear any word or noise unless you need to use your safewords. You think you can do that?" Sebastian nods. "Tell me your safewords again." After he does, he closes his eyes. And feels Chris's hand leaving his face. "Don't worry. Im not leaving the room. I'm just gonna sit and watch you for a while." Chris told him not to worry. So he doesn't. He just keeps his eyes closed, focuses on not making any sound, and waits.  
He doesnt know how long has passed when he feels Chris's thumb brushing aginst his lips. "You asked me to prove to you how beautiful your submission is. This, is how beautiful you are Sweetheart. Open your eyes."  
So that answers his question. That is how he looks right now. There's a piece of paper in front of his face, with a drawing of him kneeling with his arms bound and his eyes closed. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help himself. He has to say it. He has to say the word that seems to be his entire universe right now. "Chris..." he whispers. Almost without a sound. The movement of his lips almost a kiss to Chris's thumb. Then an actual kiss. He knows he shouldn't have said that. He knows he disobeyed. But be it. Let whispering Chris's name be his sweet rebellion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put my hands above my head  
> In the captives’ banquet  
> So that you can be proud  
> Until the end of the world
> 
> I put my hands above my head  
> To find a way to your heart  
> So that you can see with how much love  
> I accept this defeat
> 
> You: a storm  
> Me: an island  
> Me: Napoleon  
> You: Désirée
> 
> Except for you,  
> Who can take away  
> the entire world from me?
> 
> The moment of my absolute surrender,  
> was the moment of my peace  
> I whispered your name,  
> And that was my only rebellion 
> 
> When I am in your presence,  
> I own the entire world  
> I have given up all i have  
> to sit under your umbrella
> 
> The excitement  
> of being surrendered by you  
> was in my body, every moment
> 
> The best image of my life  
> was the picture of me  
> kneeling in front of you


End file.
